- Apr 14, 2020
- Kristie LaTray
My mom was cooking a holiday ham when I was young and she would cut the ends of the ham before placing it in the pan to bake in the oven. I asked her why she cut the ends of the ham and she replied, my mother always did it that way. At dinner, when the ham was unveiled, I asked Grandma why she cut the ends of the ham and she replied her mom always did it that way. I then turned to Great-Gram and asked why she cut the ends of the ham and she replied, my pan was too small.
Okay, so this didn't happen to me when I was young, nevertheless this is still a valid story. How many values, beliefs and habits do you hold that have been handed down to you that simply don't serve you? I can count many for myself. True story, I was constantly doing things the wrong way in my mother's eyes as a child. I didn't fold the towels correctly, I did the dishes but didn't wipe the counters, and my room was never quite up to par. As an adult I see my mom was teaching me life skills, however, her approach left me feeling inadequate. Jump to the adult version of myself and I have meltdowns where I feel inadequate and it affects every area of my life in some way. It affects my relationships, career, finances, and even my social interactions. This belief does not serve me and I know it. This belief isn't even grounded in reality, yet I find myself, in my less than pristine moments, drowning in feelings of failure and regret, lashing out at my husband and ignoring my dog so I can either sulk in these feelings or be a weekend warrior attempting to accomplish a month's worth of work, right now! The failure of not being able to achieve such a feat then helps me be right about being inadequate, and the cycle continues.
I've lived this way most of my life before I realized it was a pattern that did not serve me. Can you relate? Are there patterns in your life that you know don't serve you, yet you feel trapped on the hamster wheel?
It's one thing when you are open to the idea of breaking the mental chains that hold you back from experiencing the full life you deserve. However, it's another thing to actually do what it takes to release these habits. I remember being afraid to ask for a raise at work. I knew I was worth more than I was getting paid. My husband, convinced me to ask for the raise and without blinking, it was granted.
If you want to break the chains that hold you back, you've got to be willing to make hard choices and follow through. To break old beliefs you've got to replace them with new beliefs. And these new beliefs should be intentional and believable to you. You've got to act on your new belief system.
When I went from breaking free of my feelings of inadequacy to feeling worthy, I was on top of the world and felt limitless. But then something happened, I was in a different position, killing the game and I knew I was worth more than I was being compensated. I asked for my worth. When I was told no you cannot have it, I felt inadequate again. I thought, maybe I'm not worthy, I could be doing more and I filled in the reasons I was not worthy of the raise. And you can guess, it went downhill from there. I thought I was over this feeling of inadequacy. Will I have to deal with this for the rest of my life?
My old belief system rebooted and took over. I then had to reset and reload my new beliefs. This is the part rarely spoken of. We want to hear that we will instantly become better after doing x, y, z. The truth is, it's a process. This thing we call life is a journey. We must diligently reset and act on our new beliefs until it becomes so ingrained in us. And sometimes the old program might try to sneak in. But the longer we practice our new belief system and the more it becomes hard wired in us and the more bulletproof we become against falling into our old behaviors. It will feel foreign to have the same reactions as you previously did. The old belief system will become a distant memory and just another story we tell of how we became who we are.
A great way to reboot is by doing the Total Body Reset quarterly. You can reset and connect your mind, body and spirit by participating in all three components. The mental, nutrition and activity plans are a 10 day strategy to strengthen and help ingrain more of the healthy habits you crave.